~.~

pening palo weyh mikir maso depey, dokse pikir kae, penting.. pikir kae, sakit palo..
dok reti weyh, doh laa puah ni, aku raso mace down gilo, even untuk bersuara among my friends..
life is not fair, is it? when you see some people, they are awarded with a great wealth and smart brain, not to mention good look too.. these kind of things really burdening me.. my stress level is very low i think, thus, im easily get stress.. but, doesnt matter how stress i am, still i find flying is an enjoyment~

and now, the 'chance' is coming again, this is the main source which my stress comes from. kalu apply kae tok dapat, lagi kuciwa, dok apply lagi bengong. tahun depe blom tentu ado, arggghhhhhh.. mace mano laa, bendo hok kito paling nok laa paling susoh nok dapat, entah dapat entah tidak, last-last endup, doing nothing. i don't know where is myself going to be put in the future.. i don't have the qualities to become one, why i'm choosing this way, the way that my not-so-clever-brain can't bear.. to finish this course itself is quite hard, chance becomes smaller, motivation is not there, hope is fading away, what remains here is only the feeling of not to dissapoint my loved one..

there are some people who claim what they are doing is correct, i don't think so. we are different, aren't we? you can't keep making people to like every single thing you do.. people keep showing how great they are, how powerful they are, not sure what is the purpose of doing so, i just think my rights as a human is just left tightly bonded in my mind..

i know, there will be no improvement if i just keep complaining about my life, but, hmmm.. i don't know.. i'm now having a conflict with myself.. i can't stand being hypocrit, forcing myself to like the things i don't, acting good to the person i won't.. i hope, i'm not dissapointing anyone, sorry if i have.. these are what a loser does..

not sure whether death is promising something better that what i am facing now, but im sure it's still not the right time to be called 'there', lots of things left uncovered. award me a good mind and health ya Allah, amin~, though these are all sound stressful, deep inside my heart, i'm appreciating every single things He gives me, and how He has been testing me.. it's just me who are too weak to bear with all these..

* this is what we define as 'stress', when the actual performance is much lesser than expected performance